Please stop
reading this magazine,
or at least the fine print that appears at the front of each issue since time immemorial. Just as friends who laugh at horrible jokes only encourage even worse ones, dedicated readers like your cruel self provide us with the misguided satisfaction we need to continue putting this journal together. And so another year of having abandoned all the niceties a normal life could offer. Ice cream? No money left. Sex? Everyones asleep by the time we finish for the night. Looks like Lungfull!s the only one getting laid out tonight.While your appreciation leads us to make this odd lifestyle choice year after year, there are others who, through grants, donations & elaborate PayPal scams actually allow us to move from concept to fruition. Paramount among them are Kathleen Masterson, Catherine Leahy & everyone at NYSCA who, despite their own budgetary restrictions do an astounding job of supporting the arts year after year. Also Thom Didado, Rob Casper & the entire crew of CLMP. This is what it sounds like when doves dont go broke. Additional vast tracts of appreciation for Alexandra Gray & Arwen Lowbridge at Fractured Atlas for their assistance all year & the beer on the rooftop last week. Thanks & big hugs to the people whose rejections & perceived mistreatment from the magazine elicited angry letters... not threatening enough to call the police, but inadvertently self-parodying enough to generate great peals of mirth. They are archived in the <<Lose Self-Respect Now, Ask Me How File>> open for scholarly viewing by appointment. & you really must see some of them. You know what else you must see? The glorious products & services that dapple the end of the journal. Until the red & black banner frees us from the constraints of capital we have no choice but to engage a system that is trying to crush us. So why not be crushed by some nice people whose jolly messages of consumption cajole you from this tome. Do their bidding, buy their products & we will spare you when the revolution comes. The Mayans predict the Big Upheaval to arrive December 23, 2012 - a Sunday...so maybe meet at the Zinc reading & figure things out from there. Additional kudos to the current & former merrie band at the Poetry Project, Susan Firer, Dustin Williamson & UW-M, Eric Lorberer for forwarding our misdelevered mail on to Lungfull World Headquarters. All the organizers of the facing Pages Statewide Convening, Al of the Bagel Zone, Abigail & J Clarkson, Claudia Lorber & Bill, Douglass Rothschild, Jackie Sheeler & poetz.com, luckymojo.com, Shardav Industries, Danny J., Matt Glassmeyer, David Kirshenbaum & Boog Lit, Mister Sirius, Jim Behrle, Joel Kuszai, Aaron Brashear & Mic Holwin & Concerned Citizens of Greenwood Heights, Community Board 7, Thomas Coghlan, Noam Chomsky, Erica Kaufman, Sally Dricks, David Cameron, John Wallingford, Jordan Davis, Fredrica Jarcho at the Greenwall Foundation, CE Putnam & Mo in Bangkok, Tam in Chiang Mai, Michael Kelleher & the Just Buffalo Literary Center, Janet Richmond, Jeffrey Nelson, Paola Casarini, Brandon Downing & Melissa Cacha, Marcella Durand, Greg Fuchs, Lit, Kiosk, Rustbuckle, Logopoeia & so many others. <<To hear gratitude that lasts forever, and thanks that measure infinity, see the fine print becoming untethered & a colophon as far as the eye can see.>>--William Blake, Tiny Songs of Indicia & Ex Libris. If your local bookstore refuses to carry Lungfull!, they may have a legitimate reason, like fetal alcohol syndrome or greed. The remedy is simple: Reassuringly touch their shoulder, maintain direct eye contact & then activate your robot exoskeleton with plasma freeze rays. Besides Woodland & St. Marks, are there any independent bookstores left? As lifeguard Jimmy Wagner said to his doomed amigo in the stirring film Shark Zone, <<Swim Buddy! Come on swim!...oh NO!>> The threat of sharks, aquatic & economic is growing, as made evident by the coverage on slow news days. We lose enough sleep without having to worry about you getting your legs chomped off so maybe just do us a favor: subscribe & stay at home with the door locked. Domestic subscriptions are $17.90 for 2 issues & $35.80 for 4 issues. Make checks payable to Brendan Lorber, not Lungfull! (the money we save on not setting up a DBA to cash checks made out to the magazine we give to animal rescue. By making the checks out wrong you are essentially encouraging us to kill puppies. Real nice, man.) And send them to Subscriptions, Lungfull!magazine, 316 23rd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11215. You may also obtain additional Lungfull Stickers for a dollar a sticker. If you become unhappy with the magazine at any point during your subscription, we will refund your payment. The only questions asked will be of ourselves. These offers expire on 10/31/06 unless subsequent notices rescind or extend them. Do you get rough fingers or cramping hands from reading Canary or Skanky Possum? Do your knuckles ache after only an hour with Fence or Open City? Other magazines are made with rough dead trees, but Lungfull!s laminated microfiber technology molds to the countours of your hand & actually remembers its shape the next time you read it. The plastic coating actually contains some of the same compounds used to treat wounds during the Vietnam War, so your papercuts start to heal the moment they happen. You could read other journals, but why risk it? Lungfull! is printed & hand-dipped in molten plastic by Sterling-Pierce in the Dutch East Rockaways. They have done & continue to do a terrific job.
Look for some other new products & servicescoming in 2006:. . . Many states now ban reading literary journals while driving. But the Lungfull Hands-Free Edition straps directly to your forehead so you can keep both hands safely on the wheel where they belong. . . . For a small fee, the editor will sms txt you the entire magazine so you can read it surreptitiously while your students do some pointless group writing exercise or while waiting for the subway deep in an outer borough. Please be patient as it may take awhile to type the poems on the editors crappy free verizon phone. L-u-n-g-g shit! L-u-g damn! Some editors, out of laziness or because they simply do not care about you, will skip a year & then come out with a double issue. Lungfull now has created a terrible-two issue which lies on the floor in public places and screams the poems with nooooo! indicating line breaks. Lungfull! is distributed around the U.S. & in Europe by Deboers & Ubiquity. We no longer distribute through Desert Moon who developed the habit of never paying anyone & then, when some people got mad at them, they dissolved the company & created a new one...with the same name. OLD Desert Moon owed all the publishers all that money, while NEW Desert Moon is but a simple company that owes nothing to nobody. If the managers at Desert Moon feel guilty about stealing all that money, they are welcome to come work for Lungfull. We dont pay either, but at least we dont lie about it. Pull up a seat & start typesetting, jackasses. Lungfull! welcomes submissions of text & visual art from people of all backgrounds, ethnicites & classes in the US & internationally. We publish work of emerging & established writers at all stages of their career/anti-career. All submissions must be accompanied by a cover letter which ought to have less emphasis on where you've been published (we dont care how famous/self aggrandizing you are) and more on why you would want to be printed in Lungfull! Response time varies but routinely exceeds a year so if you anticipate this driving you nuts or making you act like a jerk, especially if the answer is no, then why dont you just spare everyone the grief. Please do not query before one year has passed. We publish 2% of received submissions, so we send our apologies in advance. Submissions without sases will be discarded. The Letters & Poems to the Editor section is the secret way of sneaking on board, because its emphasis on timely communication about the magazine trumps concerns about form & the nature of the universe. Nevertheless we will edit your letter for space consideration & to make ourselves look good, often at your expense. Your letter may be shortened, words like <<horrified>> <<cracker-ass>> <<pretentious>> <<love, Mom & dad>> may be switched with <<delighted>> <<wise>> <<subtlely brilliant>> <<Love, John Ashbery>> and passages like <<You possess all the worst traits of corporate America>> may be replaced with the next letter to spare the sender undue embarrassment. Send submissions & letters to the editor to 316 23rd Street, Brooklyn, NY 11215. Monday Back Guarantee: If this issue has pretty much ruined your week, we will send you through our proprietary time travel device, back to the early hours of Monday morning when life was simpler & love was such an easy game to play. Speaking of the past, anyone know any hackers? Theres an old poem of the editors up online that needs to <<go away>> forever. Perhaps the only thing worse than the poem is the judgment of the sites editor back in 1995 for accepting it. So I had heart surgery. Boo-hoo. Now you know. If youd prefer to look at something more compelling than confessional juvenalia, perhaps reading the fine print from the past few issues would be more you speed, my obsessive compulsive friend. Continue ruining your beleaguered eyes at www.lungfull.org You still there? I think youre the only one. Even we moved onto the Letters to the Editor about ten lines up. Could you do us a favor & finish while we start writing the editorial? Or, if you prefer, you can compare this fine print to that of previous issues at www.lungfull.org. Weve tried a couple of podcasts but they keep leading to kind of bad body-snatcher situations. Doing our part for the environment, Lungfull! is committed to reducing our emissions to zero by 2015 by trying really hard to wake up whenever we have one of <<those>> dreams. The material in this fine print is mostly opinion, not fact & may change over time. The portions that may leave us open for lawsuits should be read as, you know, satire. Lungfull!magazine, Disconnecting the dots, The stakes are big, the mistakes are bigger,& all other materials written or created by the editor are copyright (c)2005 Brendan Lorber. All other writing & visual art is copyrighted property of their respective creators. All rights reserved. But thats pretty much the only reservations we have about poetry.

 

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