FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1. If I subscribe do I stand a better chance of getting my work accepted by the magazine?

If we answer yes do we stand a better chance of getting you to subscribe? As much as we enjoy your money & as much as it breaks our heart to reject the writing of people who pay for the very ink we use, the answer is no. Editorial choices are based on the writing alone & on a kabalistic system of divination we've developed specifically for this purpose.

 

2. My friends are pressing me to go out drinking with them, but I don't feel comfortable about it. On the other hand, I'm afraid they'll think I'm wack if I don't go with them.

There's nothing wrong with saying no to booze, especially if pills are more your style. Tell them you don't have to go out drinking with anyone to have a good time. Then go home by yourself & down a fifth of bourbon. Remember: you can get the best drinking done by yourself unimpeded by social niceties & pointless conversation. Four or five copies of LUNGFULL! on the bathroom floor make a surprisingly comfortable pillow at the end of the evening. Another satisfied customer.

 

3. If I leave LUNGFULL! out in the sun, is it more likely to catch fire or to melt?

Both. The fire-retardant chemicals we've developed at Lunglabs are powerless against the incendiary writing within the magazine itself. The cover, made of space-age polymers, is more likely to liquefy than to burn, however, which can aggravate the fire within. Although the laminated covers make the magazine entirely waterproof & stain resistant, it can be very difficult to get the laminate out of fabric or off skin if it is allowed to melt. We recommend wearing the Lungfull Asbestos Jumpsuit (available in seven bright colors) whenever handling the magazine.

 

4. How many copies do I need per person to provide the base for a hearty soup?

Each copy of LUNGFULL! serves 6 people, 4 if they are very hungry. Back issues, having marinated even longer, can provide an interesting counterbalance to the main course.

 

5. Will reading this magazine make me a better person?

If, by "better" you mean corrupt, depraved, endowed with a keen sense of morality that goes entirely unused, but guided by an entirely engaging & charming manner, then yes.

 

6. Is the degree to which I enjoy a literary journal inversely proportional to the legitimacy of the journal?

Irreverence, though similarly spelled, does not indicate irrelevance & may indicate just the opposite.

 

7. You print a wide range of writing from extremely experimental to pointedly lyrical. What's the big idea?

How useful is approaching poetry as "good" or "bad" when you could approach it instead as "good" or "evil" or better yet, "good" or "plenty." The nuanced appreciation & awareness of how different traditions play off each other is central to LUNGFULL!'s mission.

 

8. Where do you get the energy?

Listen: until the forces of dullness & writing that cements false beliefs is eradicated, we will not rest. Until the rain-delay of the heart yields to the onward push of experience, we will not rest. Until that moment when the very air shivers with the adventure of the everyday, with the reification of all mute abstraction, we will not rest. But to answer your question, the editor has an old beat up photo ID that ages & grows more sinister every night while he retains his sheen of innocence & youth.

 

 

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