FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. If I subscribe do I stand a
better chance of getting my work accepted by the magazine?
If we answer yes do we stand a better
chance of getting you to subscribe? As much as we enjoy your money & as
much as it breaks our heart to reject the writing of people who pay for the
very ink we use, the answer is no. Editorial choices are based on the writing
alone & on a kabalistic system of divination we've developed specifically
for this purpose.
2. My friends are pressing me to
go out drinking with them, but I don't feel comfortable about it. On the other
hand, I'm afraid they'll think I'm wack if I don't go with them.
There's nothing wrong with saying
no to booze, especially if pills are more your style. Tell them you don't have
to go out drinking with anyone to have a good time. Then go home by yourself
& down a fifth of bourbon. Remember: you can get the best drinking done
by yourself unimpeded by social niceties & pointless conversation. Four
or five copies of LUNGFULL! on the bathroom floor make a surprisingly comfortable
pillow at the end of the evening. Another satisfied customer.
3. If I leave LUNGFULL! out in the
sun, is it more likely to catch fire or to melt?
Both. The fire-retardant chemicals
we've developed at Lunglabs are powerless against the incendiary writing within
the magazine itself. The cover, made of space-age polymers, is more likely to
liquefy than to burn, however, which can aggravate the fire within. Although
the laminated covers make the magazine entirely waterproof & stain resistant,
it can be very difficult to get the laminate out of fabric or off skin if it
is allowed to melt. We recommend wearing the Lungfull Asbestos Jumpsuit (available
in seven bright colors) whenever handling the magazine.
4. How many copies do I need per
person to provide the base for a hearty soup?
Each copy of LUNGFULL! serves 6 people,
4 if they are very hungry. Back issues, having marinated even longer, can provide
an interesting counterbalance to the main course.
5. Will reading this magazine make
me a better person?
If, by "better" you mean
corrupt, depraved, endowed with a keen sense of morality that goes entirely
unused, but guided by an entirely engaging & charming manner, then yes.
6. Is the degree to which I enjoy
a literary journal inversely proportional to the legitimacy of the journal?
Irreverence, though similarly spelled,
does not indicate irrelevance & may indicate just the opposite.
7. You print a wide range of writing
from extremely experimental to pointedly lyrical. What's the big idea?
How useful is approaching poetry
as "good" or "bad" when you could approach it instead as
"good" or "evil" or better yet, "good" or "plenty."
The nuanced appreciation & awareness of how different traditions play off
each other is central to LUNGFULL!'s mission.
8. Where do you get the energy?
Listen: until the forces of dullness
& writing that cements false beliefs is eradicated, we will not rest. Until
the rain-delay of the heart yields to the onward push of experience, we will
not rest. Until that moment when the very air shivers with the adventure of
the everyday, with the reification of all mute abstraction, we will not rest.
But to answer your question, the editor has an old beat up photo ID that ages
& grows more sinister every night while he retains his sheen of innocence
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