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SUBMISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

PLEASE FOLLOW THE SUBMISSION GUIDELNES TO THE LETTER
[LATEST UPDATE TO GUIDLEINES: 5/24/2013]

 
IF YOU WRITE A POEM BUT NOBODY READS IT, DOES IT EXIST? BY EXTENTION, BECASUE NOBODY READS POETRY, PERHAPS POETRY IS NOT A THING. AND IF, WE ARE OUR PROJECTS AND THIS ENGAGEMENT DOES NOT EXIST THEN... WELL... MY THEORY THAT YOU ARE IMAGINARY IS PROVEN. IT HAS BEEN MY PLEASURE TO SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. WAIT. WHY ARE YOU (AND YOUR PROBLEMS ) STILL HERE ? PERHAPS WE ’RE GOING ABOUT THIS ALL WRONG . LET ’S BACKTRACK FROM THE PHENOMENOLOGICAL EPOCHE , PAST THE HEGELIAN AUFHEBEN, TO THE COGITO EGO SUM: IF A) YOU ARE READING THIS AND B) YOU ARE A POET THEN, BY THE COMMUTITIVE PROPERTY, YOU EXIST. BUT ONLY INSOFAR AS POETRY EXISTS AS A NECESSARY PRECONDITION . TO ENSURE YOUR CONTINUED NOUMENOUSNESS, IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP WRITING AND TO SUBMIT THAT WORK, RIGHT? GOOD IDEA , BUT IT ’S NOT THAT SIMPLE. TO DO SO, WE MUST AVOID WRITING LONG ENOUGH FOR US TO COME UP WITH THESE STRINGENT SUBMISSION GUIDLINES AND FOR YOU TO COME TO TERMS WITH THEM. THIS IS NOT OUT OF SOME AUTHORITARIAN LUDICROUSNESS . NOBODY HERE BELIEVES IN THAT SORT OF GOD. THE GUIDELINES MERELY REFECT THE WAYS THAT TWO DECADES OF WRITERS HAVE SABOTAGED THEMSELVES . SUBMISSIONS THAT FOLLOW THIS HOWTO STAND A CONSIDERABLY GREATER CHANCE OF ACCEPTANCE.

1. ELIMINATE all thoughts of personal gain from your mind before even writing the poems or prose you will eventually send to us. You will either get rejected (bad) or accepted (worse). Review the editorials in the past few issues if this concept is difficult.

2. No, for reals, destroy all ambition before sending. We publish two percent of all submissions, which forces us to reject work we really like by people we truly admire. Sometimes we solicit work from people and then reject them, just to ruin our friendships. On a similar note, please decide if you hate/love us before submitting. If your opinion of us is based on what we think about your work it is hard to take you seriously as a person and casts a long shadow over all your other relationships.

3. Now you are ready: Send up to 8 poems or 15pp of prose. Any more & we will not read any of it. You do not have to supply the rough draft when you submit, though nobody’s stopping you. Visual artists should send digital files or high quality repros.

4. Include a cover letter. Explain why you want to be published by Lungfull! Doublecheck that your letter has our name on it, not another magazine’s. Be sure to indicate if you plan on going berserk if you get turned down. Similarly, let us know if we will immediately regret accepting your work.

5. A few don’ts with the cover letter: You know who cares about your MFA? Nobody cares about your MFA. Nobody cares about the other journals you’ve been published in. Even those editors have forgotten about you. In 1940, when there were three journals and nobody went to college, let alone grad school, maybe somebody cared, but probably not even then. If your books are so amazing, you wouldn’t have to mention them.

6. Include contact information on every page. Pages should be unscented. Also, not wet. Do not send the only existing copy of your work in the world.

7. Include a SASE. You will not hear from us otherwise. A blank self-addressed postcard that forces us to write a note is passiveaggressive and will delay response time, jerkface.

8. Be patient. Do not send a second mss before we respond to the first. Do not query before a year. A year? A year. Reading over 1,000 manuscripts for each issue takes time & our response may take over a year. To go any faster would be to cheat everyone of a considered decision. Return to step one and get some hobbies if this will be hard for you.

9. Recheck our site. These guidelines are constantly being updated to reflect the incredible measures people take to ensure their writing gets dismissed unread, or read in all sorts of funny voices as it gets passed around the editorial meeting. Dramatic falsetto readings are not meanspirited as they are reserved only for submissions from putzes nice people who ignore the guidelines. Please note: we prefer postal submissions. LUNGFULL! magazine 316 23rd street brooklyn NY 11215 attn: submissions. However, if you live abroad or are faced with some other compelling reason to submit online send to
SUBMIT
with “submission from yourname” in the subject. Include the submission in the body of the email — our sever automatically deletes unsolicited submissions with attachments. It’ll be as though they never existed. Of course because even if they are accepted & published it is still poetry in a poetry journal so again, it will be as though they never existed. It’s like Sarte’s Being and Nothingness except without the being part.

 

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